Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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