Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
