He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
