so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
