If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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