they need to just BURY HIM!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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