Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
