I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
