I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
