Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize