the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
