good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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