omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
