so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
