So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
