Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
