Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
