some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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