I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize