If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will be naked everywhere
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
