he shaved USA in his pubs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
