What did we do last night that was yellow?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
