So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
