YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
