Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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