I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
