trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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