ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
