Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
