I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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