i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize