I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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