I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
