We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
