my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
