i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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