How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
