I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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