I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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