Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
