Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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