The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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