I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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