it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
