Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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