Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize