...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
