I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
