His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
