Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
