I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
