He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
