gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
