I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
