If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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