I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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