he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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