I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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