i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am available for nakedness
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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