In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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