When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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