If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
