The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
