I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
