We're facebook friends in real life
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
