she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it hurts more in the daytime
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
