if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
