I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
