2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
