Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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