pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
