dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
