My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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