singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
