Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
