Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
