how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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