Sober January is a disaster.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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