You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
