very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
