Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
