she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
