i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how drunk are you?
Several
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
