This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
whose parrot is this?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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