I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
