Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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