i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize