haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
