she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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