I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
