Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
