i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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