So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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