TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
