Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
