My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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