May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
