Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my being single is dangerous.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
